The Only Way to Bring Healing Back into our Families.

Godly Relationships: Part Two-Family.

Family is the first place we find a sense of belonging and learn how to relate. This is the place our perceptions towards life are shaped therefore if we cannot have healthy relationships at the foundation level how can we ever hope to relate well at any other level? it is futile to think we can.

Since families are the building blocks of any society, the condition of a nation tells a lot about the state of families in that nation. At the moment Kenya is going through a time of struggle, despair and epidemic. I do not want to be a prophet of doom neither do I consider myself a prophet but sin has consequences. This is a principle of God’s law just like in our human setting, mistakes have punishment; it is the principle of human law. For now we only look at the greater picture and blame it on one individual person or another. Our nation is in shambles because of the decisions we all make every day to reject good and embrace evil.

This scenario looks eerily similar to that of the nations of Israel and Judah right before they went into captivity in Assyria and Babylon respectively. See Jeremiah 5:20-31, 7;9,-11, Isaiah 2:6-9, 2 Kings 21:1-16. These people had forgotten all about God; who He was in their lives and they had followed their own ways adopting the thinking of the nations around them. They were practicing idol worship, sorcery and divination, consulting the dead/ spirits, they encouraged injustices, spilling of innocent blood, desecrated the temple by bringing in new gods, ideas and practices their Lord God had not ordained. They made a mockery to the God of heaven.

Just like the nation of Israel this is a call to repentance starting from individual, family to national level. You know why? Because Kenya is a nation that acknowledges God almighty whose foundation was built on Christian values. Take for instance the words of our national anthem. When God chooses a people it is usually for a reason. He chose Kenya to know Him; there are nations in the world that haven’t known the Lord neither do they believe in Him. But we have forgotten this and embraced values of foreign nations. 

The message is clear “return to God, rend your hearts.”

Hosea 6:1-3

1 Come, let us return to the Lord.
He has torn us to pieces
    but he will heal us;
he has injured us
    but he will bind up our wounds.
² After two days he will revive us;
    on the third day he will restore us,
    that we may live in his presence.
³ Let us acknowledge the Lord;
    let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises,
    he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
    like the spring rains that water the earth.”NIV.

 

Whenever I pray for our nation I always like to recall these words of Hosea because I believe this is what God is telling us in this season.

The dissociation in the family unit is hurting our society and eventually the nation. The people we raise in the families are the same people that are released into societies. Let me say that the enemy is not your brother/ sister/ uncle or even wife but the devil. When you take a ‘panga’ and murder someone it doesn’t eliminate your enemy it invites and gives him greater control over you. When you get angry and hate your family member it does not create distance from your enemy.  No matter what you think they have done they are not the source of your problem. Your reaction to a wrong or perceived wrong done to you tells a lot about the condition of your soul.

Healing begins with oneself. Not by trying to mend the other person.

So, how do we build Godly relations at the family level?

Forget self help books, morning, late night whatever radio or T.V talk shows don’t have the solution.The answer is always to go back to God’s original idea of a family. As the creator of everything, He designed and therefore knows how all things ought to best function. Deviating from this original plan is what causes problems. All the wisdom of man amounts to nothing but God’s is the ultimate.

God is very clear about how members should relate within a family unit. Ephesians 5:1-6:4

a)   Husband to wife –love her the way Jesus loves His church. What this means is that a man should love his wife with a sacrificial kind of love. A love that is pure and not depended on the goodness of the person. In this illustration of Jesus and the church, Christ loved these people to the point of dying for them and it is the realization of this selfless love that draws believers to Christ. Just like the church the wife will be drawn and dedicated to the husband when he loves her selflessly. A good leader sacrifices so that the others may increase. This is what Jesus taught His disciples. The husband is called to sacrifice and love not the wife because he is the leader.

b)   Wife to husband– submit to her husband as the head. What it means isn’t inequality or that a woman should be inferior but that there is an operational structure to create order. As God the father is the head of Jesus Christ, so is the man the head of the wife.      
   1Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God. 

    Ephesians 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior. The illustration does not imply Jesus was in any way less God than the Father [John 1:18 “No one has ever seen God, but the one and only Son, who is Himself God and is at the Father’s side, has made Him known”] because God is one existing in three persons; Father, son and Holy spirit who are all equally God in divine nature this is what makes God just one and not three. The same way man and wife ought to be one.

Yet Jesus being God we see Him while on earth in order to fulfill the plan that was from the beginning, He submits to the Father;     John 5:30 “I can of mine own self do nothing: as I hear, I judge: and my judgment is just; because I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me.”

John 5:19 So Jesus replied, “Truly, truly, I tell you, the Son can do nothing by Himself, unless He sees the Father doing it. For whatever the Father does, the Son also does.”

John 6:38 For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but to do the will of Him who sent Me. God the father sent Jesus Christ and the same way Jesus sent the Holy spirit after ascending to heaven.

John 16:7 But I tell you the truth, it is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you; but if I go, I will send Him to you.

You get the picture; the wife has to be led by the husband. This is how the wife ought to submit to the husband, not to try to prove herself equal but to work together within the structure to fulfill the Godly purpose for their union.They work in unity and harmony.

c)   The children– to honor and be obedient to both parents. In the first part of this series titled Practical steps to honor your parents i have written more on ways children can honor their parents in the Lord.

d)  The parents to children– to care for, provide for, not embitter and raise them in the ways of God.

e)   Entire household– Each to value others above self.

This is God’s structure for family. Most problems could be lessened if we followed these instructions instead of selfish ambition or vain conceit Philippians 2:3-4.

 

God has not only taught but also modeled to us how we are to relate with our family when He Himself came and lived in an earthly family in Jesus Christ. The story of Jesus in Luke 4:29-30, Mark 3:21 sheds some light on His earthly family relationship.

His own brothers; His family did not believe that He was the promised messiah. Even when His hometown was trying to kill Him we see none of them come to His support (not that He needed).Do you know how hard it is when the closest people to you do not believe or support you? It feels lonely. Yet Jesus was not embittered by this or hate them he just carried on with His mission, loving and praying for them.

He did not try to control their behavior nor let theirs control His. Later on after He is crucified and resurrects the bible tells us that His brothers believed and even James one of them goes on to become the leader of the church at Jerusalem while Jude writes one of the books in the bible. They had finally understood and experienced love. It is this unconditional love what wins people over.

Lastly but certainly not least, know that sin breaks relationships for instance:

• The very first people that introduced the family unit, Adam and Eve disobeyed God and then started the blame game. The children they gave birth to fell into the same trap and as jealousy took over a murder occurred.
• Abraham had sexual relations with his maid and this led to conflicts and eventually one woman had to be banished to uphold peace.
• Favoritism and rivalry among the sons of Jacob led to Joseph being sold to Egypt because he favoured the children of one wife over those of the other.
• What of David’s family? his children from many wives fought one another out of selfish ambition, raped, murdered and even still rebelled and tried to overthrow their father’s kingship.

God’s kingdom is referred to as a family that operates on love. This is an example to follow. Family is a place of unconditional love. A family built on this principle will always weather any storm that comes and remain standing, united more than ever.

As we move into the Christmas season how I pray that we embrace love and unity in our families. As we gather together let’s draw from and meditate on the unconditional love of God.

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Love muchly,

Liz😍😍